


Memory of Light

by Capurnia



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, brief skysolo, mention of past Qui-Gon Jinn/Mace Windu
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-05
Updated: 2016-11-05
Packaged: 2018-08-29 05:18:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8476843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Capurnia/pseuds/Capurnia
Summary: Qui-Gon's thoughts and memories as he awakes, over a hundred years old and ready to see his Obi-Wan once more.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This was written to purge some emotions that seemed to bubble up at 3am last night. Watch the warnings, as one or both of our boys will not last until the end.

The day began like any other, the sun rose and the planet continued to revolve around the sun, but it wasn’t just another day for Qui-Gon Jinn, it was his last. His timeworn bones were weary after a night of tossing and turning, but he stretched carefully as he tried to rise from the warm sheets. His joints ached, his body was feeble but his mind was still as sharp as ever. “Good morning, my Obi-Love.” The voice that once echoed through any room he occupied was just a whisper now. He had reached one hundred and six years of age just a ten before, but sometimes he still felt as if he had just turned sixty.

He paused at the wooden dresser and looked at all the holopics that covered it. He was told he was too sentimental, but he had always strived to take a picture of each moment in his life that meant the most to him. It was funny that most of the photos that lined the smooth surface were that of his love, the one and only Obi-Wan Kenobi. They ranged in different ages from a boy of thirteen that had just become his padawan to the perfect moment his braid was severed and he became an equal in the Jedi order. They were both proud moments, ones he would always treasure. Mixed among the photos he had pics of old friends and other padawans, but he always cherished those that were of his Obi-Wan the most.

Qui-Gon traced the picture that signified the most to him, a picture of them both together in dress whites, hand in hand and beaming like there would be no tomorrow. He picked up the holopic and held it firmly to his chest, as he thought back to that day…

* * *

 

“Does your shelf not have enough photos, my master?” Obi-Wan held tightly to the man that he would forever spend his life with. They had just said their vows before friends and the council and would forever be bound in this life and in the next.

“There are never enough reminders of my joyful moments. This is my favorite, I think. Followed closely by the day you wormed your way into my heart as a boy. I never thought we would reach this day. It was a long five years, my beloved. To say the words, I love you and then never speak of it again until the day you were knighted was enough to turn one to the dark, but we made it.”

“That we did and I think in the end we are stronger for waiting. We can now come together as equals and without resentment. It was hard but it was also important. I hope one day you can think of those five years and not feel the sadness, but reflect on how much closer it allowed us to become.”

“Any day I got to spend in your light, was nothing to be sad about.”

“I think we are getting a little caught up in each other. Our friends are ready for a party.”

“Can’t we just skip the party? I crave a reward that only you can provide.” Qui-Gon’s eyebrows lifted at the statement and he pulled his love closer to his body, letting him feel his need to be alone.

“Tsk Tsk, a master should be able to show more control. I promise before this night is over, we will spend it in each other’s arms. Don’t rush it, we have forever.” As the words left his knight’s sweet lips, a streak of blonde energy ran up to them both and started to ramble at a million words per minutes.

“Ani, Ani. Slow down child, what has you so wound up?” Qui-Gon chuckled and kneeled to get closer to his apprentice.

“Master Jinn, it was so wizard! Master Yoda told the story about when you were my age and joined the saber competitions. He said you beat all the padawans and even some young Knights. His story was just so amazing and I can’t wait to start constructing my own saber. Can I, can we…when?” Obi-Wan held in his laugh and covered his mouth at the amount of energy the little boy was giving off. He would be a handful for Qui-Gon but he would make sure that his love had help.

“My goodness, the green troll is already trying to influence my new padawan, as if he didn’t try hard enough with my old one. I promise we will discuss your saber in the next few days. After Obi-Wan have a few days of leave, is that acceptable Padawan?”

Anakin blushed slightly, realizing he had forgotten about their “honeymoon”. “That is acceptable, I’m sorry. I just got excited.”

“Oh Ani, it’s ok. When I first got back from Bandomeer I asked the same thing. I might have only waited a minute before exiting our transport before bombarding my master.” They both ruffled the spiky hair and followed the boy back to their friends and colleagues. “Telling tales again I see, Master Yoda.”

“Know not what you speak, I don’t. Cake I was told I would get.”

“I knew there was an alternative motive for your acceptance!” Qui-Gon laughed quietly and picked up his old master and hugged him tightly.

The night continued on, as they all ate, danced and celebrated not only the love of the two men, but the love they all held for each other. It was late and the festivities were coming to a close when both Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan went to dance floor, which was empty, and wrapped their arms around the other. They swayed with the soft music, Qui-Gon’s chin resting sweetly against the head of the man he loved. “I’m scared…” The words were barely heard, but heard nonetheless.

“Obi-love?” Qui-Gon pulled him back slightly, looking into the tear filled eyes of his bondmate.

“I’m not scared of you or our love. I’ve just waited so long for this night, what if it isn’t…”

Brushing the single tear that fell down Obi-Wan’s cheek he leaned over and placed a light kiss against his lips. “It is ok to be nervous, but do not fear. There is nothing to fear as in all things, nothing will happen until you are ready. I wish to love you in all ways, but I will not combust if it doesn’t happen tonight.”

“But, we’ve waited so long. I don’t want to disappoint you.”

“NOTHING, and I repeat, nothing can ever make me disappointed in you. Live in the moment, the future will take care of itself.”

“Yes, Master…”

“Never your master again, Love.”

“My master in all things, you can never take that away from me. You are the master of my heart.”

“Just as you are the master of mine. Shall we say our goodbyes and head to our quarters?”

“Our quarters, I missed the sound of that.”

“I’m sorry that you had to move out when I took Ani as my padawan. I never meant to evict you from your home.”

“Shh, that is in the past where it belongs. Let us look to the present and even if it takes care of itself, the future.”

They both stepped from the floor together to say their goodbye’s to those that remained. Master Yoda, Master Windu, Bant and Garen all sat at a nearby table still eating the sweet desserts provided for the reception. Anakin had left long ago for the creche, even though through a yawn he protested not being ready for sleep. “Thank you all for coming and sharing this moment with us. It was amazing to have all our closest friends together.” Obi-Wan flicked his finger through the creamed dessert that Garen was still inhaling.

“Hey! Get your own.” Just as Obi-Wan started laughing hysterically when he suddenly turned very pale and started gasping for air. His face turned from merriment to pure terror as his lungs would not fill with air and his heart seem to skip a beat. The moment dragged on at a snail’s pace when Qui-Gon screamed out for help. His arms were suddenly full of a convulsing bondmate who was on the brink of passing out.

“OBI! Someone call a healer! Breathe, my love. Breathe.” It was a command of the utmost importance, but one that Obi-Wan couldn’t bring himself to obey. He was trapped inside his mind as his body was out of control. He tried to calm his anxiety, but when he reached out to his bondmate, he could barely feel the filaments that linked their souls.

Qui-Gon scooped the body into his arms, willing the force to wrap around him, to keep him from injuring himself further. ‘Obi…Ben…please…” The words came out in choked sobs as their friends looked on, waiting for the healers. “I can’t…feel him. Obi, don’t leave me!”

When the healers arrived they quickly scooped up the knight and rushed him to the healing halls within in the temple. They almost needed a second medical bed, as Qui-Gon was on the verge of a panic attack. It was a very different picture than from the hours before, when they were happily lost in their love and new bond.

Now Obi-Wan slept in a bed, his pale almost lifeless body finally at peace from the convulsions. Qui-Gon was poised in a chair next to him, his face covered in tears as he grasped tightly to his love’s hand. “I don’t understand everything was fine. We were fine…Why are you leaving me?” He buried his head in the white sheets next to his mate and sobbed uncontrollably, Jedi decorum be damned.

“Yet lost he is not, my padawan.” The words were spoken softly, yet firmly.

“I cannot feel him, Master. He’s always been there, since he was just a boy and now there is nothing. It’s like he’s already dead!”

“Dead he is not, and give up you will not. There he still is, just strong he is not.”

Qui-Gon lifted his head and brushed his fingers lightly over the warm cheek. Yoda settled in a nearby chair to offer comfort to the bonded pair when the healer once again came through the sliding door.

“Masters.”

They both nodded and Qui-Gon could feel the sadness radiating from the middle aged healer. Master Vehla had seen both he and Obi-Wan through much in the last years, but nothing compared to Naboo. He had been there from almost the beginning when the council had returned from Naboo with two wounded souls at the brink of death. The master had the physical wound and the padawan had the emotional. Obi-Wan had sacrificed too much of his life energy for his master. This bleeding of his very essence put him closer to death then Qui-Gon. It was touch and go for many tens, but finally they both awoke. They spent many days in the healing halls and vowed they never wanted to return, yet here they were once more.

“What is wrong with him? He was fine…We were happy and dancing…” Qui-Gon had stood up once more, looking ready to physically fight the phantom that was hurting his other half.

“Please sit down Qui. What I am to tell you isn’t, well let’s just say I have little energy left and I don’t think I can catch you if you fall.”

“Tell me, TELL ME!” The healer approached the man, treating him like a wounded animal that was cornered.

“It’s ok Qui, sit, please sit.” He reached the taller man and was able to coax him into the chair.

“He’s dying, Qui. Your Obi-Wan will return to the force very soon.”

“Dying? He can’t. He was healed, we were healed. Our future.” The words came pouring from his lips, with nothing really making sense. “What is wrong with him?”

“In the simplest terms, he’s dying of old age.”

“He’s only twenty five years old, how could he be dying from old age?”

“When he healed you after Naboo, he poured everything he was to prevent you from joining the force, Qui-Gon. It was a very near thing that he joined the force right then and there, but the theory is that when you awakened you were able to share some of that life force back to him. This made him appear healthy and back to normal. We did not catch it in our scans at the time because everything looked ‘normal’.”

Qui-Gon lowered his head once more to Obi-Wan’s bed and started sobbing. “He’s dying because of me. I can give it all back; I don’t want to live without him.”

“He lived and is living for you. He is not lost to us yet, but even if you poured every bit of life energy into his body he would not live. Don’t let his sacrifice be for naught, Qui.”

“How long?”

“There is no telling. If I had to give a guess perhaps days, Qui-Gon.”

“Leave us.” The words were so softly spoken that the healer and Yoda glanced at the other, wondering if it was a smart idea to leave the heartbroken master alone. “I wish to be alone with him. I will not do anything foolish.”

He felt the concern and love wash over his bond with his old master. “Outside I will be, if need anything you do.”

As the two masters left the room, Qui-Gon looked once more to his love. “I know you are awake. Please open your beautiful eyes and let me look on them.” Obi-Wan’s emerald eyes sought the sky blue of his mate and he tried to smile.

“Not the bed I wished to be in tonight.” Qui-gon smiled at his wit and gasped as he felt their bond open up once again.

“You scared me.”

“I didn’t mean to, I promise.”

“I know love. There are things I need to tell you.” Qui-Gon stood ramrod straight in his chair, regretting the words he had to speak to the man who had been part of his life for twelve years.

Obi-Wan reached out gently and stroked his hand. “No need my love. I know, if I couldn’t feel it within the force, I heard most of what the healer said.”

“I’m so sorry my Ben.”

“I’m not, knowing that you will live, is more than I could have hoped for, but the force graced us with a few weeks more together to love.”

“You are dying because of me, you have your whole life ahead of you, and I’m halfway through mine. I am not supposed to outlive my very young apprentice.” Obi-Wan let the man mourn for the loss he was feeling, but only for a moment.

“Qui-Gon?”

“Yes Obi-love?”

“I want to go home. I wish to sleep in the arms of my husband on this night and there is nothing more the healers can do.”

* * *

 

Qui-Gon once more grasped the holopic of them together, before everything fell apart. They had returned to this very room that night and held tight to the other throughout the night. It was not the honeymoon that they had planned but through the force it was the sweetest night Qui-Gon had ever shared with anyone. He set the picture once more with the others, and smiled. It took many years to come to terms with that day, but now he could reflect on it with the happiness and love that it deserved.

“I’ve said good morning to you, every day since you’ve past, just like the morning we woke from our bonding night. I miss you my Ben, but I will see you soon.” Qui-Gon turned from the pictures and slowly made his way to the fresher.

Looking into the mirror his long hair had turned to pure white, his beard the same. He no longer was the broad shouldered mass of muscle but just a weak old man that had seen his best days. He had kept his promise to his mate to live his life to the fullest. He had raised Anakin to be one of the best Jedi Knights of their time, and he had sat on the council, changing things from within, just as he once thought to do. He had been there at the marriage of his former padawan and Padme; he had even championed their cause before the council to allow the marriage to an outsider. It was time for them to see love not as a problem but as a tether to the force. It made them the people they were and love would never be evil.

 

On their wedding day, the older Master had sat away from the crowd and just watched during the reception, as if he were waiting for someone. He did not wish to mingle with the council and friends that had attended the grand occasion. If he was honest, he had difficultly not thinking back to his own bonding with a tinge of jealousy. That others could be happy and have what he could not was not something he dealt with correctly. He should release his own feelings into the force and be happy for those that could share their love.

His thoughts wrapped up entirely in his own pity, Anakin approached from behind. “He would want you to be happy, not hide yourself away like you are doing now.”

“Don’t presume to know…” The anger flared and he quickly tamped it down. “I’m sorry Ani. It is difficult on days like today.”

“No apologies are needed, my master. I just hate to see you so lost and I know that Obi-Wan is looking down on you now wishing you would live for him.”

“I am living for him. I raised a wonderful knight that will soon have two bundles of joy of his own to take care of. Congratulations, my padawan. My present to you is the knowledge that soon you will have two more people in your life to love.” The living force flowed from his old master, if anyone could feel the force eddies, it was him.

“Thank you master, for everything, I know you only trained me after Obi passed because he made you promise, but I love you as a father. Obi-Wan knew that we needed each other to stay in the light. I know you needed him, you need him now. Stay in the light with us Qui-Gon, it’s time to join the living.”

“There is no darkness here. I can live in the light as long as I remember the love of my life. But I cannot do what he asked. I cannot move on with another, there is no room in my heart to do so. I will love you and your family, I will serve the council and the force but when the time comes to rejoin the force, it will be with my heart only filled with him.”

Anakin nodded at the sentiment and knew that it was a loss cause. He could not settle for another person to fill his bed, it would be a hallow gesture. “Go dance, go love. Obi-Wan and I will watch from here. I know he’s with us this day, he’s so very proud of you, just as I am.”

* * *

 

The memory faded as Qui-Gon ran the brush through his white hair. He never cut it, only trimmed it as the years went on, in honor of his lost Obi. Obi-Wan adored his long hair and never wanted to see it cut. Twining the strands into a long braid, he finished his ablutions and left the fresher for the kitchen.

The com chirped as he entered and he flipped the switch to allow it on. “Master?” The small blue form of a young man smiled at him.

“Luke, you are looking chipper this morning.”

“Of course I am, I’m the luckiest man in the galaxy today!” The blue eyed blonde haired man looked like he was ready to do backflips.

“Congratulations to you and your scuffy looking Nerfherder…”

“Who’s scruffy lookin?” The blue form of his former padawan was joined by a smiling Han Solo, their hands quickly clasped together.

“I wish you both all the happiness in the world. I am sorry that I can’t be there for the ceremony, but traveling is hard for me now.”

Luke’s eyes seemed to take on a faraway look. “I wish you and Dad were both here, but I know he’s watching over me with Obi-Wan and you are always not far away from my thoughts.”

“I love you Luke, you and your sister helped make this old lonely man’s days much more pleasant.”

“We love you too. Tell father, I love him.” Luke nodded to his old master and cut the transmission not wanting to cry in front of him. He knew it would be hard to hide from Luke, he didn’t want to ruin his bonding day with Han Solo but he was glad for the moment to say good bye.

Sitting at the counter, stirring his tea, he thought back to the past once more, to the moment that changed his life forever.

* * *

 

“Qui...” The soft words were barely audible, but Qui-Gon was at his side immediately.

It had been two tens since they had bonded and found out that he was dying. They had spent every moment of everyday living and loving together. It had taken two days for Obi-Wan to regain enough of his energy to get out of bed, but he seemed to be better. They had finally made love, it was gentle and breathtaking and it was the first and only time they would join together in mind, body and soul. It took too much of Obi-Wan’s vital energy and Qui-Gon refused to sacrifice any of their time together for the sake of pleasure. He would always cherish the sweet memory of his Obi-Wan’s pleasure as they came together for the first and last time. It would be enough for the years to come.

 After that, they made sure to live each day like it was the last. They would greet each other in the mornings, Qui-Gon always smiling and giving him a “Good Morning, My Obi-Love.” Friends would come and go, some happy for another moment with the ailing Knight, others already mourning what was to come. He would give them comfort and offer his love; it was truly something to watch.

Once again, pulling him from his memories he heard the soft, “Qui.”

“Yes my love?” He had brought a damp cloth to offer him some comfort since Ben could no longer leave their bed. It was almost time and they both knew it.

“Promise me something.” He felt his arms being lifted, and the warmth of the cloth washing away any dirt that had settled there.

“Anything, my Knight.”

“Do not follow me until it is your time, when you are old and pure of white; when you have raised Anakin and perhaps one or two more padawans.” Qui paused as the cloth ran over the barely rising chest of the man he adored.

“You know I can deny you nothing. I promise I will not seek death.”

“Then do not deny me this either.” His breath hitched and his heart skipped a beat. “Promise me…Take another. Do not mourn me to the exclusion of all others. Love again. Do not let this bed lay cold and empty.”

Qui-Gon bowed his head and felt the tears flow down his cheeks once more. “I will live, and I will serve the force. I will love Anakin and any other padawan that comes along, but I cannot promise to take another to my bed, Love. There is only you, there is only us. I will live to my last breath knowing that when I die you will be waiting.”

Obi-Wan reached up and traced the tears that ran down those beautiful cheeks, wanting to argue but knowing there was no time left. “I love you…” His heart skipped another beat, his breath hitched, and his arm fell to the bed. Qui-Gon reached out and grabbed ahold of the limp hand and held tightly, not wanting his love to feel alone and scared in his last moments.

“I will always love you, in this life and the next. Wait for me my Obi-love.” Just as the last words were said, he felt fingers floating over his cheek with a touch of the force. It was a last gesture before Obi-Wan Kenobi was no more. Qui-Gon grasped the cooling body into his arms and sobbed uncontrollably, not wanting to ever let go.

It was an hour later that Mace Windu entered the quarters, the only one able to unleash the force field that Qui-Gon was using to keep everyone at bay. “My friend, it is time to let him go. Let me guard his body as it is prepared for the knight’s pyre that he deserves.” Qui-Gon growled at the man, the closer he came. “You do not intimidate me, Qui. Let me help you through this, Obi-Wan asked me to make sure you were no lost to us when he passed. I will not break that promise.”

The red-rimmed eyes looked up and the animal that was there moments before disappeared and he gently let go of the body that no longer bared the other half of his soul. “Promise me you will take care of him.”

“As if he were my own, I promise you my friend. He was one of the best among us and he loved you so very much.” Qui-Gon let Mace take the body and he felt the force suggestion just moments before it overcame him, “Sleep. Sleep and dream of the love he bore for you, my old love. I will see that your Knight is taken care of.”

* * *

 

“I never was more grateful to Mace then those weeks after my death. He put aside the past and his own jealousy to make sure you were taken care of, even though I made him promise.” Qui-Gon gasped and turned from his tea to see the blue outline of the man he adored more than life.

“Obi-love!” He wanted to turn and run into those arms, but knew that was not possible.

“It will be soon, you have waited a long time, we have waited a long time. No more does the force require us to be apart, forever is now in our grasp.” Qui-Gon closed his eyes, feeling his breath leaving his body.

“Forever…”

The two bodies combined into a blue ball of energy, once more one where there had been two.

As Qui-Gon looked behind, he saw nothing at the counter by empty Jedi Robes and a half drunk cup of tea. “Do you have any regrets my master?”

“The only regret that I have is that we didn’t have more time together, but now in the force we can rectify that.”

As the two embraced, Luke Skywalker and Han Solo danced slowly to the music of the force. Luke was resting his head on his love’s shoulder when he shuddered slightly. “Luke?”

“I’m ok, love. Qui-Gon went home, where he belongs. They will be waiting for us.”

“I love your old master, but I hope they will be waiting for a long time. I love you Luke Skywalker and I wish to be at your side through this long life and the next.” Luke nodded his head and looked up into the smiling eyes of the man he loved.

“Through this life and next.”

Through the long lost bond, he sent **_I love you my master, Hug mom and dad for me and tell Obi-Wan I look forward to meeting him one day._**

Pulling the younger man from his thoughts, Han tilted his chin up and gently caught his lips in a loving kiss. “Forever, kid.”


End file.
